* * *

This is the least of me, treat it appropriately.

* * *

Don't fear failed arguments

With enough holes, voids,

problems and failures

you can begin to shape and

mold the truth of an idea

* * *

Subatomic particles are to general relativity

as flat-earthers are to astrophysicists

Each must only travel one dimension higher

to experience reality

* * *

The shape of gravity is best described as a fourth dimensional spherical cone

* * *

The opposite of authoritarianism

is not anarchy

it is individual responsibility

* * *

- Endless Thoughts -

- Part 1 -

From the journey

of an anonymous existence

comes Our introduction

and from my ignorance

within the wilderness of humanity

this required retreat from reality

beyond Descartes' reckoning

I have found

an intellectual abyss

laying unfamiliar beneath my feet

and I ask of you, come,

stand with me atop this bridge

built of questions

unto which we will concede

to contemplation

truths beyond initial comprehension

undermining the confidence

of all existence,

to which belonging

may be a fact of uncertainty

or trick of a higher egoist,

unknowable from within

the vast wastelands of creation

and our flat-landers awareness,

natural to man or beast

Along the lines of shuck and devour

We will gaze through the looking glass

together

Shielded by the weave of our intellect

and the illumination of our being

we must remain subject to curiosity

equal to Dante entering his forest dark

but most markedly

know that My journey

cannot be Yours

nor will Yours be Ours

In this acquaintanceship

I hope, we’ll find value

conflicting conclusions

along similar courses

and the road is always foggy at first

because destinations

should never start in stone,

nor should we wander aimlessly

through Our travels,

but is it possible

that Our end

is as definitive

as the final words

in this work?

* * *

You can try to carve

your anger on my heart

digging deeper and deeper inside

with the hatchet of your tongue

but… I need no armor

because I give you no weapon

* * *

Dark matter and dark energy

are the Aether of our age

because that which photons lack

self segregates in the void

* * *

- Part 2 -

Errant thoughts

should be given a full measure

and witnessed

to spread their damaged wings

for We have the power

and imagination

to destroy their wasted decades

A dreamers’ yearning gives welcome

to limitless thoughts

and unbounded creativity

but dreamers must be active

passing idealists

napping under their shade tree

who are content with ideas

without obligation to causality

Dare to dream - devour

attack and defend

all desires pursued

- every idea -

not just the ones you disagree with

because We are all wrong

somewhere

You must wear this guarded ambition

on Your chest, to push perception to its limits

and strip consciousness to its very foundation,

washing away our own impurity as well,

expunging preferred conclusions from Our slant

While my body is subject

to the sands of time

your mind must circumvent such trappings,

filling our collective mind with reality

because we are not looking

for the universal truths of existence,

indeed, they will show themselves in kind

but our own personal governed order

to guide You along the path

I will not claim carnal knowledge

of a greater plan

and those that do

have given up their curiosity,

for all take a leap of faith

but no one living

knows the truth of unreality

* * *

Science and Religion

are fundamentally incompatible

because Science requires

that tomorrow will be the same as yesterday

Religion hopes that it won't be

* * *

The transcendental moral virtue

that replaces religious morality in Humanism

is that of the group

We, as a society, come together

to transcend the potential psychopathy

of the individual

Unfortunately, it is far more volatile,

giving way to emotion and deception.

And we forgot to watch out

for their opposite

* * *

- Part 3 -

For better or worse

obsession will push you through any obstacle

awakening you from the coma of normality,

of which familiarity is the material form

and it flows with the force

of societies moral ambiguity

For morality is the lens that warps true Reality

and your own Morality will dictate your Truth

With good measure

we witness this on a regular basis,

from sadistic killers to so called saints,

all live according to what is Right

in their Morality

So... what I deem as acceptable is Truth

and this truth shall be my only incarnation

and as such, Our Truth

becomes collectively arbitrary

but, remember, your moral history

has influences over who We are

if only on the exterior

of a superficial existence

It projects into This shadow world

and because of that, please realize

- We -

will never know perfection,

either through our own deeds

or the deceptions within this external existence

and as such, it becomes a false realm of reflection

A world altered by algorithms of chaotic quanta

within the probability of perception

In our early days,

this lack of control caused pain

and loss, which gave raise to fear,

this fear lead to many confusions

Our unknown ancient ancestors

searched their minds,

their skies,

their truth

for answers,

but found few

Stories lead to religions,

which lead to laws

and in turn,

to pain and loss and fear,

the true constants of life

however, those confusions

rely on acknowledgment of deception,

humans deceiving each other for our own good

We must transcend Nietzsche's herd,

We must see through Baudrillard’s hyper-reality

reaching outside their puppetry

for the truth of the enigma of moral causality

Causality being the blending

of perception and linear existence,

and morality is not about seeking a god

but knowing and forming Yourself

through understanding of choice

Individual connections to shared experience

We must have this continuity

between Your past and Our future

even though this connection

gives confinement to choice,

not to be confused

with your Will

and it's freedom,

which gives birth

to its own paradox

within linear eternity

* * *

Choice is attached to the individual externally

where as the Will is an internal chaotic mechanism

* * *

We or Us

does not exist

in the same way

that the present

does not exist

* * *

Many people take someone's belief as fact

and it's a dangerous way to exchange truths

* * *

- Part 4 -

What of this external reality,

this cause and effect?

Does Why control your conclusions?

With the denial of external stimulus as fully true

and recognized as a shadow of actuality

then it has to simply slide

into the void of false existence

The Why... not the causalities.

But, what will happen within simulated realism,

when a shadow of a shadow

has become Our real?

The egoist fully jacked in

to vivid self indulgence?

If the Real world became

an imitated manifestation

of an external reality

beyond internal evidence

or ignored by belief

then maybe virtual connections

are the only logical step

so causality becomes controlled

and We omnipotent,

all at once Human becomes godlike

by creation of our simulacra,

a playhouse of possibilities

or a simple rung

of lesser resolution on reality,

either way - it will accentuate

our fixation on Duality,

breathing life into Our hyper-real

traditional good and evil,

causality and coincidence

anarchy and authority

to conserve or abuse,

embracing the dark

becomes the only way

to see the light

We must delve

into our darkness

to find Our true occurrence

Within the extremes rises enlightenment

but the fear of wetting your feet

will give rise to lukewarm illumination,

as we've witnessed for millennia

Through perseverance

of the occurrence of Your will

We must overcome

the platitudes of such limitations

Sloth of the unknown

or fear of the unknowable

to bridge the gap

between Reality and Self,

and - because this awareness

has no direct link to the external,

We can resemble puppets

trapped in a maze of filtered actuality

in concert with the convergence

of a delay ...within a delay ...within a delay

that gives rise to the perception of a Self,

unknown to the ancients

or their adherents

to be wholly contained within

and produced by

the physical chaotic mechanism

* * *

The void in my mind

is where my darkness hides

it knows it's safe

in the places I cannot find

* * *

Sympathy is one of the most dangerous

and misunderstood weapons that we wield

* * *

When you attack the wealthy,

the first casualty

will always be the middle class.

* * *

How do you find value

in that which you have not earned?

* * * 

- Part 5 -

At what point does this Self become accountable?

For I am a product of my heredity and rearing

Simply - from the Self's beginning

We become always accountable

at the very least, to ourselves

When does the chaos

in the mechanism

push beyond the controls

setup by genetics

and our societies,

who are themselves

influenced by reality

and its simulation?

Simply - from before Your beginning

From before the moment

of Your inception

the quantum chaos plays

It is the drum beat of all existence

not just the imaginary toy

of living manifestations of this universe

A truly thought provoking

moment of illumination

is the understanding that

quantum mechanical weirdness

has not only been a part of Our creation

but is also embodied within us

forming the mis-perception

of classical freewill

And, as that misconception

reaches for the shadow,

as we lay witness

to the fear and loss and pain,

and the delay finds Us grasping

for the safety of history

and rhetoric

and idealism

and theology,

please,

do not give in

to the circles

of past enlightenments

for They do not drill down

to the necessary bedrock for Your Truth

Nor do we require

the compulsion of a clean slate

for the ancients reflect the moderns image

They speak of the Good

but struggle to make It known

They speak of intent

as if It were a goal

They challenge their predecessors

but always seem to make

the same two mistakes,

all to obvious

* * *

Morality is a product of the conscious mind

and does not exist in the unconscious world

* * *

If we can determine

that a planet does not have

a unique form of life on it,

then we should seed it.

Complexity is not the norm.

It is an exception to the law

and we should act as outlaws

whenever it is morally right to do so

* * * 

- Part 6 -

Morality,

traditionally taught,

does not exist

What we think of as a personal moral code

does not have real meaning

other than a look

into an idealistic medium,

a view of your hoped for Self

but, if this image

is not Truth in Our incarnation

where can We discover its rightly origin?

We... Are the Thinking Animal

and as animals

to begin to envision ethics

We have to remain steadfast

in the knowledge

that morality

is a human construct

In that delayed convergence

that is conscious thought

resides half of an answer

- The refraction of an Idealistic You -

however, true Morality only exists

within the moments between individuals

and as such, morality will always be nuanced

For You and I become We

and... We cannot always be agreed

but here...

in this fertile land of decayed arguments

We may find the bud of an absolute moral truth

an idea that freely gives up

the good and the bad

a notion that will show us

actions and intentions

a beautiful little word

that displays for us

the difference

between beast

and thinking animal

in this difference

lies the bedrock

of Our civilization

The Objective Truth

within Subjective Morality

Consent.

It is the prelude of any action.

It is the evidence for the right.

It is the significance of the wrong.

It is the very root of Truth, Morality, and Justice

Without Consent no action can be justified

and, if you will

find some small truth

in this idea of foundation,

think of the implications

to everything we hold dear

* * *

How we define the innocent

is how we justify our actions

and judge someone else’s

* * *

When politics, economics or power

are wedged into our tribalism

there is only one way

in which to re-balance

the system they corrupt

* * *

The more freedom recognized for the group

The more discipline required from the individual

* * *

- Part 7 -

With modern freewill's inherent restrictions

and chaos' influence over a deterministic slant

and Consent as Our cornerstone,

can We truly begin to understand

Your own perspective well,

and the required poisoning

of Your Individuality

for societies take,

from which spews forth

the necessity

of a contingent court

unto which shrewdness must engage

with hopes that our peers could be either

So... when my Truth

exists beyond Your morality

where does my existence end

and Your Ego begin?

- With the establishment of Justice -

Not an abstract absolute,

nor any sort of incorporeal object

that can be sought

Justice is not order, nor control

Justice is not the rule of the mighty

Justice is not power over the unruly

Justice is not an ending

to be repeated again and again

but a broody state of moral conflict

An ability, not only used

but often exploited

Justice is empathy,

tempered with humility,

glimpsed through a lens of Reason

And as such,

is subject to natural pressures

to societies norms

and to individual subjectivity

And as such,

I have answered his question

with a subsumed idea

tied to a restriction of beings

struggling to understand

the material form

of a fickle abstraction

* * *

One holds the facts as truth,

another holds the outrage as truth

irrespective of the facts

The reality is then superseded

by the simulacra

* * *

Do you stand next to those in need

and pinch their wounds with your fingers

in an attempt to make others care

that they’re bleeding

* * *

- Part 8 -

The difficulty lays

inside each of us

Bonfires of potential immorality,

but... can you embrace this truth

or do you rail against Our inevitable need?

While this is not beyond reproach,

to which do you disagree?

The need, the fire, the immorality…

Whether or not you choose

they cannot be wholly removed,

or... holy removed

We become moments

of our own inception

longing for passing pleasures

within the construct

becoming lessor angels of desire

to which real - is meaningless

Because of this, I have to know...

With what standard do you proclaim

someone else's arrogance or ignorance?

Through which filter do you perceive

someone else's necessity?

At which point in this recurrence

do You reserve the right to require

the oppression of others to Your Will?

When do You wish This Freak to be leashed?

Where do You wish Me to feel the lash?

and - do I have this Right as well,

because Boy, you’ve been a naughty Girl...

Does this worry you?

Are You willing to accept - My Will?

Shall We discuss Your punishment

for the well-being of Our society?

Or... is this not what you mean?

Perhaps, I have missed the point?

Perhaps, I don't know the purpose?

Perhaps, I don't understand the positions

or rules for which We wish to inflict

Your best wishes...

I care not for Your intentions or desires

for they feel true, it is the Method

where I find so many lacking

How much force do You require

to satisfy Our aspirations?

How immortal must We be

before You shy away in shame?

With threats of violence

We already rob Me

of my life and my livelihood,

I will not allow Us to steal

Your compassion as well

* * *

Before I will listen to you say We

I expect to see your actions say I

* * *

It is confusing to see those

that are at first successful

become uber altruistic

The only change in their giving

should be a matter of amount not desire

* * *

- Part 9 -

Our government

does not dictate Our society

as much as some may want it to

You as individuals

build Our society

and it's the strength

of Our individuals

that lights Our beacon

Our society determines our laws,

Our laws provide the skeleton

with which We grow stronger

or - rip each other apart

These non-excludable moral systems

with which we choose to govern ourselves

all have two common traits

that are foundational for each

Individual Freedoms and Property Rights

In their establishment

We see each other better

Individuals melt into Societies

Laws are raised

Justice achievable

but, these hyper-realities we establish

require the extermination of the Real world,

the subjugation of its simulation

and the stains of Our immorality

will always deteriorate their base,

to the whims of the hoard

and those who crave privilege

and the violent excrement of our society

on all sides

they mask Their fears

with third-hand anger and pain

guided by a sophist - unnamed

They require a tension

We have worked to release

begging for equality of inadequacies

begging for superiority of irrelevancies

who've never given true forgiveness

who've never lived true poverty

who've closed their minds to contemplation

who've blinded themselves with ideology

who've longed for the oppression of yesterday

so they too can justify their own adolescent anger

who've never sacrificed to society

their own physical or mental well-being

who know not what I've lost,

to Your avatars of Mars…

A few display only outrage

some offer up their pity

most show some level of empathy

but do not mock Me

or anyone else

with your simulated sympathy

We can't know Your truth

as hard as I try

and will continue to try,

but Failure is the significance

Failure is the sustenance,

the Wellspring,

that feeds Empathy

its most important qualities

See me fail,

because Your youth

does not frame Me,

and fail again,

because Your streets

do not see - Me,

and fail again,

because Your pain

...is beyond Me

but - I see You

I long to know You

to believe in You

to desire what You desire,

and all I require

is that your actions

reflect your ideas,

that you forgo the simulacrum,

that you strive to regain reality

Regrettably,

we will all suffer the pains

of someone else's petition,

until society rediscovers

individuality as its icon,

but... unfortunately

it's unsustainable,

because drift

is inevitable.

* * *

There are two distinct,

non-interchangeable types of morality

Excludable (personal)

and non-excludable (political)

* * *

Forced altruism is as unjust

as religious forgiveness

* * *

Tribalism and collectivism

are the same thing

They hold a protective nature

within their ideals,

but are ultimately destructive

when they grow to large

or are held too close

to the heart

* * * 

- Part 10 -

It's far to often that We fear for You

because You are stronger then We know

and, I hope You understand

the implications of what You seek...

Freedom

Love

Acceptance

Religion

Existence

These...Inaccessible Abstract Absolutes.

Words we toss around with

little meanings and

big misunderstandings

We must begin to see

the Truth of others,

engaged in dialogue,

engaged in discovery,

engaged in drastic action,

especially when They are wrong,

especially when We are wrong,

because today is better then yesterday,

the tomorrow of Your nightmares

Tempest tossed bodies

and minds, longing for firm ground

to call their own

You must understand who you are

despite Our objections

without seeking Our support

You must obtain

the understanding

of your own immorality

and when you find Yourself

others will follow.

All that I cannot know

I bequeath to you

and I long to see them

through your eyes

but I cannot give them to you.

They grow from the ground

of his beloved wilderness,

and in Them I have found the moment

that minutes cannot touch,

the mold for unending evenings

and a longing for desires incomplete,

so that I shall always remain

- ever unfinished

* * *

The inherent failure of capitalism

is the same as communism

It’s an inherent failure of the human species

It is one of immorality

There will always be those who wish to

engage in the immoral,

deceptive acts of exchange

to get one up on their competition

Whether for profit or power or both

The role of the government,

in establishing fair trade laws,

should only be one of removing that gray area

within the exchange

and offering punitive damages

against those willing to inflict

immoral actions on others

* * *

The rise of social media

has destroyed our social nature

The increased access to knowledge

hides what is true

24-hour news creates no news

The rise of the anti-racist

has created more racism

The rise of gender equality

destroys the nature

of gender & equality

* * *

- P.S. -

If you search for me

you may not like what you find.

I am the long road

that stretches beyond the horizon,

not the evenings you dream of

traveling upon it.

I am the soft sea

tickling your toes

as you stroll the beach

with your partner

holding hands

in that postcard dream

never realized.

I am the chill that crawls

up your neck at night

hearing the floor creak

outside your bedroom door

when you are home alone

with the dancing shadows

I am experienced

in the darkness

of that dank alley

or subway, as the echoes

cause your steps to quicken.

I whistle that sing song tune

that undercuts your horror story.

I am the smile to your offense,

the joy in your anger,

the revelry in Our destruction.

I am the reason we lay out the laws,

the reason we construct the courts,

the reason – every – moralist – failed...

I do not struggle

with unbridled desire

like the lesser of my kind.

There is no internal dilemma

of when to be - Me.

I simply do

or I hold

and watch

and wait,

I hibernate

until the Spring comes,

until the world

allows me to flower

without consequence,

but, in the end,

I cannot be found

I cannot be known

I will not allow it

I am that which you are

or can never know.

Sincerely,

- e.u.

* * *

 - Mirrors, windows and doors -

For fear of the mirror

I disguise my face

I've lost a step dear

through feelings of lace

As if love were contained

by crusades of sweat

or my fray be ordained

with pining or fret,

lost to one's own bet

For fear of the window

I retreat to hide

from the world left widowed

by mistrust, so snide

The chafe of that facade

once offered is seems

We wait for the applause

of a crowd who deems

click, click, click, mainstream

And once I strolled, alive

now, I fear the door

with angst to thrive inside

I'm awake no more...

Existence and fear left bound

your dreams left behind

shall we lose your renown

your light gone, left blind,

a self unloved in kind

* * *

 - Paradox of Paradigm -

We - are control

I am freedom

We - are advocates

I am action

We - inflict shame

I stand naked

We - only patrons

but I...

I am art.

We use - coercion

I embrace consent

We use - conflict

I am the carnage

We use - sympathy

I am compassion.

We cry Ego

but I...

I sing My-self.

We are demands

We are wishes

We require

We allow

We want

We care

but I...

I love

I – am.

* * *

 - You’re… still… speaking. -

Unintelligible ideological indiscretions

twittering your mind

like a twelve-year-old finding themselves

running a con man confidence

calling for a succubus

on the tit of humanity

Are you unable or unwilling?

It’s time to decide

It’s obvious

you found your anger

at a yard sale

This thrift store rage

is too frayed and weathered

to be your own

and you write your promises on water

which is were they belonging

This I understand – now

Bring forth your loving wrath

that moment you desire

to shred this longing

so you can pimp their needs

Be it calling or common

we’ve lost this connection

You’ve moved or I haven’t

or versa vice

You’re running like mice

alarm misspent

But it won’t be you

paying the price

for your unintended idiocy

your willful ignorance

or your undue arrogance.

* * *

-  …their suffered song -

Condensing the whispers

of your shadowed self

on to the nuance

of undue authority

using contrived contentions

like an ice pick gouging

at their prostrate minds

left shattered, cold and dead

or sacrificial vivisections

with smiles prescribed

to the uneducated,

knowingly time deprive

and you have stepped out

allowing the theft

of the only product

we valued, your Fidelity

but how can I begin to fault

and hammer this gelatin

that is your promised desire

molded and shaped, half truths

stop selling and start talking

replace the rhetoric

with uncertainty, or

anguished clarity of premise

so that we may disagree

exquisitely

and honestly

* * *

- From my roadside café -

...grass & corn & culverts

dust & dreams

you crawl past, again

inside your cage

letting the toc of times tic

slip through your fingers

not even twitching to look

so many of you

on the go

to nowhere

not that you've noticed

or seem to care

of course, you think you do

put to task you'd prove me wrong

today

but truth be told

- if we can ever be honest to ourselves -

most of you still live like animals

existence sacrificed

for foraging & dwellings

instinctual & actual

not in the moment but of it

not guiding

but searching, hoping

needing patterns in the chaos...

stop searching and sit

stop hoping and help

stop needing – everything

be more human

more reflective

less reactive

but... I'll see you tomorrow

from this roadside café

indulging in my decadence

and desolation

while you pass us by

Slipping, moment by moment

into our grave

* * *

 - In quiet reflection -

I sit upon my quiet bench

Lazy day falling deeper

While footfalls echo emptiness

As vacant as their voices

(Breathe)

Some tiptoe past, coyly

Giggles hidden by hands

Eyes of polite passing

Slowly finding and forgetting

(Breathe)

Melodies sailing along

Weaving dust with dreams

Pretense and passion mixed

Floating like the dandelion fluff

(Breathe)

The angry child wanting

Screaming, stomping, learning

Crocodile tears of truth

Plucking at your patience

(Breathe)

Desires moan proceeding

Young lovers offered lust

Pressed palm to playful palm

Seasoned salty by the heat

(Breathe)

Nearby suits left scheming

Their savageness suppressed

Into the power of their pinstripes

Searching for agency over others

(Breathe)

The old man left leaning

With empty hand reaching

For memories misplaced

Lost between now and... never

(Breathe)

A distant need searching

The aching itching pain

That fading primal slave

A new movement of mind

(Breathe)

Emotion flowing out

And past perception

Uncoupled from self

Finally unfelt, unfettered

(Breathe)

All floating free

Passing into silence

A moments controlled quiet

Before that tidal waves return

(Breathe)

* * *

 - …dark bled deep -

O’ why did I choose

this wall to beat my head

A sturdy bricked muse

procrastinated dread

With witching hour loosed

to weathered wishes wed

Long since lost bemused

for patients longing fled

And finding pain instead

With my hands numbed blue

feeling severed from dread

But knowing better dews

are days and days ahead

To which past love woos

the twisted need misread

Finding hands a new

strapped to my posted bed

* * *

 - Am I? -

Am I a good man

Or just a greedy beast?

Am I worthy of another’s love

Or just a wasted feast?

Will I find that which I long to have

Or would my heart just cease?

To seek what others show and flaunt

To feel the joy I know as taunt

To treasure that elusive want

And taste your skin through airy haunt

All of which, no point of need

And lost on those who have no creed

But seeking those I’ve lost indeed

Is as fruitless as a dying seed

* * *

 - Lost to you -

This -

is not about me

or Us

This -

has no meaning

under that veil

it is for you

it is by you

It - loves you

and hates you

with moments

it is lost

when you are gone

it is the shade

when you are near

it cannot be

it is not free

so long as we

are We

but... too easy is our pain

and pleasure wed

too lost to find My vein

and sever dread

too weak to feed your depth,

your darkness - so, I fled

too long and twisted

the fables you tell yourself

too many labels

pressed to your throat

...belong to me

so much needed hope

inked on skins you wrote

but no longer see

lost, to pains decree

and, as the iron bells ring true,

it's sad that You,

never had the friend I knew.

* * *

 - Often lost -

I found a home

I know not where

It moves about

from here to there

It's lost at times

to winds and pain

Too many clouds

above the rains

Lost in myself

these times are tough

We see the change

forfeit to slough

But moments gained

are all I need

To find the joy

of life indeed

True ecstasy

means thought engaged

Focus and touch,

effort re-staged

I leave behind

that cheapened blight

To bathe among

this just delight

* * *

 - Fabled love -

She's with me now

like she's always been

this young blue maiden

with flecks of green

her song is sweet

her temper strong

her mood may change

from dusk 'til dawn

through troubled streets

she soothes my soul

to see her strength

it makes me whole

in these tough times

I try my best

to treat her well,

she's my goddess

and when I stroll

to our secret spot

I fall in love

with this pale blue dot

* * *

 - Days gone by -

Of sunsets gazed 'til dewy morn

And lovely nights of fire light gone

Of broody days lost in thought

Their evenings through the lattice drop

Of loving words to caressed sweets

And thoughtless times with tinder beats

Of loving touch with passions deed

And romance forever filling need

Of minutes lost to lustful hearts

And decades full of earnest starts

Of love and life and lust and loss

And all those things we feel so oft

* * *

 - Rapt devotion -

in the tranquil twilight

that is this winters wash

you sit amongst a million

restless hands hanging

longing for the infinite infancy

but hurt by that moments meaning

it's forsaken forecasting

the longings lament

with troubles tempted

you lived fearing forgiveness

and possibly permission

that indiscreet intangible

a rarely attempted achievement

are you wistfully waiting

or causing conscious calamities

be like soft nipples napping

under that silken surface

remove from your yearning

the doubts of discontent

so that lovings longing

can be openly oddball

without gambled gloom

just transparent tremblings

silly smiles

cautious coos

emotional ecstasy

allowing a moment moved...

* * *

 - Dear Mom, -

The remains of long-forgotten judgments

litter the lawn of my would be home

along with the tombstones

of Johnnie and Jack and Jim

consoling me like those vacant eyes of my youth

offering little more than a chance to survive

reflecting an early education offered

by late night moonlit strangers being played

whose bitter promises, masked

by glass after glass of whale piss,

lie shattered beneath your feet

left wandering through rooms,

veiled in the burnt offerings

of cigarette stained daydreams

with a hundred eyes glazed over in self-pity

wishing that every drop

might erode a bit more of their past

our childhood stripped bare

sacrificed at the alter of your barstool

to the screams of jukebox dreams

falling asleep with our neon night-lights

shivering in makeshift booth beds

longing for a snooze button

on your rumble strip alarm clock

arriving at another other house

that you always pawned off as home

ears still ringing, strung out

in the empty darkness

of my sleepwalker delusions

waking and waking, now awake

to the empty solitude

of your hungover indifference

finding wooden cupboards

overflowing with unused purpose

whose doors hid bagged plates

of seeds and stems and ashy remains

that never went to waste

eating leftover snapping turtle

Your roadkill stew,

emerald moss encrusted pond swimming

and tin roof barn slides,

my only treasures of youth.

You once thrust me wholly

from child to siblings parent

children raising children, sentenced

to six years of confinement

who never knew what a mother was

when you decided to play the part

and I left the moment

someone else took interest,

sliding from one life to another

in all the ways you taught me

still wandering now,

because moving

is the only time I feel at home

memories of a void that denied me

my own father's death

and knowledge of his demons,

who may live on in my darkness

and after, lost in the distorted desire

to understand your lacking love,

I found my truth

but you can't bury the living

and the dead,

they simply don't exist

* * *